Acute Viral Rhinopharyngitis: A Love Story.

An Excellent Cure for the Common Cold:

Wine. And lots of it.

If you have already tried Dayquil, Sudafed, Vicks, and whatever else over the counter medication you can find and still feel miserable, I recommend doing the following: Consuming a few over the counter remedies and then going on a wine tour of Seneca Lake. This will do several things. First, you will get drunk extremely quickly (make sure you have a driver). Second, your drunkenness will lead to some of the strangest dreams imaginable. Much like Bill Cosby experiences when he eats sandwiches too close to his bedtime.

Another thing that will probably happen is you will meet some bikers. Don't ask me to explain what bikers are doing in wine country. They probably just like their wine like any other regular person. But don't worry, when you drop your glass and splash some of your beverage on their leather chaps, they won't be angry. They will instead go to the bar and get you a damp towel and then start chatting with you about their wife. They will also start asking you where you are staying. Keep in mind that you are telling a strange biker where you are sleeping at night. Think. Then respond.

After you've met the bikers, you will probably have at least half a dozen encounters with bachelorette/bachelor parties. They will be loud and screechy and shockingly, mostly in their 30s and 40s. You will then have a perfectly reasonable conversation with a nice man regarding the reality and scientific fact of river monsters, and why you never go swimming anywhere you can't see your feet. You might even try and explain the recurring dream you had about Jaws when you were seven years old. You might.

At some point during the day you might get hungry and buy the following things: Buffalo jerky, pickles, vindaloo curry dipping sauce, and a falafel salad. You won't be able to explain any of these purchases but you will want nothing more than to dive face first into a vat of each item. Especially the vindaloo.

When you complete your day, the wine will be wearing off and you will be searching for congestion relief yet again. I recommend drinking half a bottle of cough medicine, cranking the air conditioning in your hotel, and watching HBO until you are yet again, unconscious.

Summary: Another excellent weekend excursion.