If I had a hammer I'd hammer in the morning

I've got some really super news. Super-duper, in fact.

If anybody wants to buy me the perfect gift for my birthday--here it is: 1 ticket to see the movie, "Witless Protection," starring Larry the Cable Guy. I mean it would be heaven. heaven. The title alone is enough to have me lining up days before the opening--just to make sure I get a front row seat. I mean it's so witty....so clever....everything a movie should be. And, bonus, it comes out on my birthday. I literally cannot wait.




Since I'm sitting so close to the edge of my seat waiting for the release of this movie, I did some research on Larry the Cable Guy just so I wouldn't wet my pants with anticipation. Larry the Cable Guy has done loads of great movies. Like--"Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular," "Delta Farce" (oh he's good), "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector." Lots of good things. I think he must be a great actor too because he always keeps his own name in every movie he does--a sure sign the actor is good. I mean even Robert De Niro doesn't even get to do that. The only exception to this occurred when he participated in the movie "Cars." That movie was good. Maybe he should stick to movies that don't show his face--that way no one would ever actually have to watch him act.

So--if anyone is looking for a gift--please make it a ticket to see "Witless Protection." Please. I would love it so much. So much.

And while we're at it--maybe for Valentine's Day instead of the usual array of flowers and little bears that no one ever knows what to do with, someone could get me a poster of Jeff Foxworthy. He's my second favorite. I mean talk about a laugh a minute. The work he's done with rednecks in this country is nothing short of inspiring.

In case sarcasm is lost in blogs--I have included a visual aid. This is a mild representation of what my face would look like if anyone actually made me see the movie "Witless Protection."



Except maybe my hair would be a little different because I quit it with the bullcut years ago. But close.
It's probably a safe bet that I will one day write something that makes fun of James Vanderbeek.