Keeping up with the Kardashians. They are actually wretched people. They traipse about LA and spend money and get into fights with each other and talk in gross ways about their lady parts. They have too much money and not enough things to care about. But, I love Bruce Jenner. I love Bruce Jenner like there's no tomorrow and I do not know why. Maybe it's because I love the Olympics or I like grown men who have little boy hobbies (collecting toy helicopters) or I don't know what, I just love him. Oh Bruiser.
The Biggest Loser. I basically want Bob to be my bff. I love him. Jillian is crazy and makes me uncomfortable when she's screaming in someone's face about their sister dying, but she's fun to watch. I like when she perches on a leg machine and makes them lift her. Sometimes, it makes me cry. But in a good way. Not the way I cry in my desk at work.
American Idol. Always and forever. But I miss Paula. She was so cracked out but I miss how she used to cry and slur her words and stand up and dance. Ellen is cool but she is so nice and no one can make fun of her because she is flawless. I just think maybe she should consider picking up a prescription drug habit because THAT was entertainment. Poor little Paula Abdul and her ugly necklaces and crazy face lifts. Kara though. She is annoying. I'm tired of her talking about people's "souls" and "feelings." Come on Kara, it's American Idol, they are trying to find a pop star. I can't think of one pop star who has a soul.
16 and Pregnant. I like to watch this show on a bad day. On a day when I'm feeling particularly particularly awful. I also like to watch it while I'm hungry or when I haven't showered in several days. It's just one of those things. I like to scream at the tv when the dead beat teenage baby daddy is cheating on the girl again. I especially like when an episode is set in the south. That makes for some good tv. Also a good way to remind yourself that it's better to keep your pants on when confronted by a boy coming off his 3rd DUI, who does not have teeth or a job. Because sometimes I need reminding.
Pretty Wild. I've only watched part of one episode and I don't really get it yet. I know it's about rich girls who have too much money in LA. So, it's Keeping up with the Kardashians 2. I think one of the girls was involved in stealing things from Orlando Bloom. Or something. I would steal things from Orlando Bloom though if I lived close to him. Mostly, I would try and steal his heart. Also any LOTR paraphernalia he had lying around. Like Elijah Wood.
Kirstie Alley's Big Life. This one is new. And weird. She is so odd and I just want to remember her on Cheers. But now she is large and screechy and has a cage full of marmots or ferrets or something strange and she lets them crawl all over her while she talks about her cocaine habit or how she wants to dance on new year's eve. I think I will stick with this one though. There's nothing I love more than a reality tv show based on weight loss. Plus, I think she's going to lose her mind, so, win win.
America's Next Top Model. Well, Tyra Banks is a lunatic but everyone knows that. This show really makes me giggle. There is always someone crying or fighting or snapping in half for lack of calories. What I like about this show is when Tyra gives life advice. Like sometimes she will tell them, "you need to just turn your brain off." Really, Tyra? Really? Yes, please tell the 95 pound model to turn her brain off. Pretty please. I also love Nigel. The photographer. I think my love for Nigel trumps my love for Bruce Jenner. He is so cool with his accent and his photography skills.
So. That sums it up. My reality tv swamp. Come and join me if you want...or tell me which ones I'm missing.
This post is dedicated to Paula Abdul. Shockingly, this is the second time I've used this photo.
3 comments :
What happened to Project Runway?
Too painful to watch without the sweatpants?
Oh I still watch it. Tim Gunn is still my hero. But you're right, it's just not the same without the sweatpants clan.
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