because....
of emails.
and the clock remaining at 4:48 p.m. for about 10 HOURS.
and the fact that my undergarment choice today is...questionable...and uncomfortable...and inserting itself in places it shouldn't.
and the fact that it's wednesday and there's nothing good on t.v. on wednesday all year long.
and the fact that I'm hungry for the 9 millionth time today.
and the fact that it was Mediterranean weather outside all day long--crystal blue skies, dry air--and I'm tied to my desk as per usual.
and the fact that I'm still bitter at myself for watching old episodes of The Hills via instant play netflix last night. waste of a perfectly wonderful Tuesday night.
and the fact that i want a boxer puppy. P-L-E-A-S-E.
and the fact that i have had a zit on my chin for a full month now. A FULL MONTH. It is like I am 14. Except I didn't have zits when I was 14. No. My face decided to start breaking out when I turned 25. naturally.
and, I don't know. It's called hump day. annoying.
and I had a voicemail from someone today that said, "I have a question for you, but I'll just send you an email." THEN SEND ME THE EMAIL AND FORGET ABOUT THE VOICEMAIL.
In other news. Try this recipe. It is good and not as terrible for you as a bowl of pasta. I would know, I would live in a bowl of pasta if I could.
http://www.hungry-girl.com/show/pasta-la-vista-slaw-and-order-recipe
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I Dos
The day I got engaged was one of my happiest. It probably is for most people. And then you start telling people and it becomes real and you get happier.
And then.
OH and then.
Then you have to plan a wedding.
Oh, I heard that--"but you don't HAVE to plan a wedding if you don't want to." YES, you do. If you have three sisters and a mother who love love love weddings, you have to. You'll beg for City Hall. You'll get on your hands and knees and BEG. But alas. They'll look at you with their weepy blue eyes and tell you how horribly sad they would be if they weren't with you on your wedding day.
And you'll bend. Because you love your sisters so much you'd do anything for them. And really if you're being honest, you can't imagine your wedding day without them either.
So you decide to have a wedding. A real wedding.
And you suddenly have a million things you have to plan.
You'll casually hint one day that you are considering having a beef jerky bar instead of a cake table. You're only half-joking because there's nothing you love more than beef jerky and there's nothing you HATE more than the tradition of smashing cake in your new husband or wife's face. "Think of it," you say, "Instead of the cake, you'd just eat a slim jim and wash it down with some champagne. It would be the best of everything!!" You'll notice the very distinct reaction here. Confused giggles and head tilts--eyes glazing over as they consider whether or not you even DESERVE to be married. and then you'll suddenly feel self conscious and you'll question the amount of estrogen your body contains and you'll respond, "Just kidding! I love cake! You know what would be even better? Cupcakes!" Even though there is nothing you despise more than an effing cupcake.
You'll try really hard not to have a hot flash when you are trying on wedding dresses and the lady in the dressing room repeatedly sticks her hand up the acres of fabric covering your ass. You won't mention how much you despise being exposed in any way in front of strangers. When you are forced to walk out of the dressing room, you'll pretend it's just your mother and sisters in front of you. Just the woman who birthed you and just the girls you used to take baths with at the age of three. You'll ignore the women who have brought their boyfriends or fiances (WHY!?!??!?!?!?) and you'll pretend it's just your comfort zone. You'll ignore the shade of red that has taken over your face and you'll pretend there is nothing you'd like more than a cathedral length veil and a tiara. You'll humor the saleswoman because she tells you this is only her part time job. She only does this because she loves weddings so much. When you find the dress, you'll hug her and tell her you only found it because of her.
Most days, you'll want to die. The hoops, the hurdles, the centerpieces!! You'll have to tell yourself over and over and over and over again that you're doing this for the people you love and you'll slowly but surely realize that isn't such a bad way to live your life.
You'll pretend to care about flowers. People will say words to you that you have never encountered before and you'll pretend to understand. Many of them will be french. You will nod and say, "yes, I LOVE fondant. More fondant, s'il vous plait!"
Slowly, you will catch a mild version of the fever, though you won't ever admit it to anyone. Once you get over the embarrassment of trying on dresses in front of people, you'll look in the mirror and realize you've found the dress you will be wearing when you marry the man you love. And everything will hit you all of a sudden and you'll be happy, really happy.
The idea of a wedding shower will still make you nauseous. When your dearest sister and maid of honor asks you about it, you'll finally give in but only on the condition that there will be no games. zero. bridal. games. ZERO. And you'd like it plainly stated that the number of broken bows in no way corresponds to the number of children you are likely to have. You'd also like to make sure that alcohol is involved. When they tell you it's in the morning you say, "that's what the blood mary was invented for."
You come to terms with the fact that you will be uncomfortable, anxious and downright sick for a good chunk of your engagement. But as you progress toward your wedding, the unimportant things sort of begin to blur into the background and the important things become sharper around you. You see family. You see loved ones. You see a day that is only about love and faith and promises. You see this one day when everyone stops to celebrate a good thing. You see the man you're going to marry and stick with through it all. You realize that it isn't about a wedding at all. It's about love. You realize it might not be such a bad thing to have photographic evidence of that day. It might be a day worth having after all. You realize that marriage just happens to come with a party.
And even though you dream of city hall frequently. Even though you've actually created multiple spreadsheets calculating how much money and time and effort could have been saved, you finally admit that planning a wedding is not the terrible thing you once thought it was. And you're grateful you have people who love you so much, they want to help you plan and share it with you.
And then.
OH and then.
Then you have to plan a wedding.
Oh, I heard that--"but you don't HAVE to plan a wedding if you don't want to." YES, you do. If you have three sisters and a mother who love love love weddings, you have to. You'll beg for City Hall. You'll get on your hands and knees and BEG. But alas. They'll look at you with their weepy blue eyes and tell you how horribly sad they would be if they weren't with you on your wedding day.
And you'll bend. Because you love your sisters so much you'd do anything for them. And really if you're being honest, you can't imagine your wedding day without them either.
So you decide to have a wedding. A real wedding.
And you suddenly have a million things you have to plan.
You'll casually hint one day that you are considering having a beef jerky bar instead of a cake table. You're only half-joking because there's nothing you love more than beef jerky and there's nothing you HATE more than the tradition of smashing cake in your new husband or wife's face. "Think of it," you say, "Instead of the cake, you'd just eat a slim jim and wash it down with some champagne. It would be the best of everything!!" You'll notice the very distinct reaction here. Confused giggles and head tilts--eyes glazing over as they consider whether or not you even DESERVE to be married. and then you'll suddenly feel self conscious and you'll question the amount of estrogen your body contains and you'll respond, "Just kidding! I love cake! You know what would be even better? Cupcakes!" Even though there is nothing you despise more than an effing cupcake.
You'll try really hard not to have a hot flash when you are trying on wedding dresses and the lady in the dressing room repeatedly sticks her hand up the acres of fabric covering your ass. You won't mention how much you despise being exposed in any way in front of strangers. When you are forced to walk out of the dressing room, you'll pretend it's just your mother and sisters in front of you. Just the woman who birthed you and just the girls you used to take baths with at the age of three. You'll ignore the women who have brought their boyfriends or fiances (WHY!?!??!?!?!?) and you'll pretend it's just your comfort zone. You'll ignore the shade of red that has taken over your face and you'll pretend there is nothing you'd like more than a cathedral length veil and a tiara. You'll humor the saleswoman because she tells you this is only her part time job. She only does this because she loves weddings so much. When you find the dress, you'll hug her and tell her you only found it because of her.
Most days, you'll want to die. The hoops, the hurdles, the centerpieces!! You'll have to tell yourself over and over and over and over again that you're doing this for the people you love and you'll slowly but surely realize that isn't such a bad way to live your life.
You'll pretend to care about flowers. People will say words to you that you have never encountered before and you'll pretend to understand. Many of them will be french. You will nod and say, "yes, I LOVE fondant. More fondant, s'il vous plait!"
Slowly, you will catch a mild version of the fever, though you won't ever admit it to anyone. Once you get over the embarrassment of trying on dresses in front of people, you'll look in the mirror and realize you've found the dress you will be wearing when you marry the man you love. And everything will hit you all of a sudden and you'll be happy, really happy.
The idea of a wedding shower will still make you nauseous. When your dearest sister and maid of honor asks you about it, you'll finally give in but only on the condition that there will be no games. zero. bridal. games. ZERO. And you'd like it plainly stated that the number of broken bows in no way corresponds to the number of children you are likely to have. You'd also like to make sure that alcohol is involved. When they tell you it's in the morning you say, "that's what the blood mary was invented for."
You come to terms with the fact that you will be uncomfortable, anxious and downright sick for a good chunk of your engagement. But as you progress toward your wedding, the unimportant things sort of begin to blur into the background and the important things become sharper around you. You see family. You see loved ones. You see a day that is only about love and faith and promises. You see this one day when everyone stops to celebrate a good thing. You see the man you're going to marry and stick with through it all. You realize that it isn't about a wedding at all. It's about love. You realize it might not be such a bad thing to have photographic evidence of that day. It might be a day worth having after all. You realize that marriage just happens to come with a party.
And even though you dream of city hall frequently. Even though you've actually created multiple spreadsheets calculating how much money and time and effort could have been saved, you finally admit that planning a wedding is not the terrible thing you once thought it was. And you're grateful you have people who love you so much, they want to help you plan and share it with you.
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